Fix the System Not the Women

Fix the System Not the Women is the second book I have read by Laura Bates, and the second time I have been left with a book hangover from her books. I am not sure what I will read next, but it will have to be something more relaxed because I am still processing a lot from this book. Yet, I find that this is a good quality for books, because any book that impacts you is a good book.

So why did I pick up this book as a male therapist? Well, it's in large partly because I am a man that I read Fix the System Not the Women. This is part of an ongoing effort to understand lives that I cannot live, not just because I am a therapist but also because I am a husband, a friend, a colleague, a human being. I cannot pretend that everyone experiences the world the same way I do. This is the reason I appreciate all the work Laura Bates has done. I knew from my work and studies about many of the statistics referenced in this book, but having the personal experiences of Laura Bates, the many who wrote in to the Everyday Sexism Project, and those made public by the news, brings all these statistics shockingly to life. Laura Bates does an amazing job of achieving what the news organisations avoid doing, and that is making you realise that statistics are about people, and those people are struggling.

However, this book doesn't stop there, it explores why these problems exist, what can be done, and why it hasn't been done. Perhaps most importantly, though, it highlights how small actions in people, often meaning well, are accumulating as pain for others.

After finishing this book, I find myself left with an anger towards men and the system of oppression that exists. I would love to say that this is a misplaced anger, but if there is one thing that this book has achieved, it is in highlighting that this anger is not misplaced. So whilst it is not all men, and not all of the system that is broken, it is too many men and too much of the system. Honestly, it feels like being a child and having a parent point out that your actions have consequences, and then getting upset about it. You can either learn and change from that understanding, or cry and hope for no consequences in the future. One option is tied to reality, the other only happens if somebody else deals with the consequences. So whilst I wasn't unaware of all these things before reading this book, having them all connected and highlighted to me in one book was impactful, and has really helped me realise how different life is for so many other people, and how my actions, even small ones, can have a big impact.

I feel that reading books like this helps shape me into being a better person, helps me to help others, and hopefully, over time, it can influence real and substantial change. If you feel that you wouldn't gain anything from reading this book, especially if you are a man, then I urge you to give it a read. More so if you feel sexism doesn't really exist anymore.